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- i said i was sorry to you! - stop looking at me. stop talking. hi! how are you? - good. hi. - oh, my god. you look amazing. - hi. who's this? - what's that? oh, he's, like, actually someone that i just, like, called over here, like, to take my trash. so, like, please take this trash, and then, like, take it. 'cause, like, i just need people to, like, take my trash sometimes, because i'm a professional. sit down. - yeah. i was looking at this for my daughter's birthday party. my daughter, dylan, she's turning 11. i want to have her birthday party here. and now i'm thinking-- i wonder if you and your partner are available. - what's that? - what was your partner's name? - liz. - your partner's name. - liz. - what's your name? - liz. - right, okay. - [screams] i don't even know you anymore, liz! - her name is liz. - my name is liz. - i will straight up drop a bullet in your unit! blap! blap! blap! blap! - i've never met an impressive person at a skating rink. - you want me to throw out the trash? well, you're the trash! [dramatic music]
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- oh, my god. - looks like they're gonna be looking for a new ice-skating trash boy. - how dare you! i will cover your event, and i will do it with gusto, but let me just tell you one thing. i need to follow my heart. mark it down. happy birthday to your son. - daughter. dylan. - thank you. - do you know him? - ♪ sometimes - c-czar. - ♪ we don't know what we do - i'm sorry, like, honestly. - i'm sorry for being wild. - ♪ but hurting you - i love you. - i love you too. - ♪ is the last thing i would do ♪ ♪ oh-ho-oh threeway-- - ow! my lip! - oh, my god. it's really bleeding. - ow! you screwed up my lip! we can never be happy! - [swallows] ugh! - i still love you. i want to make this work. - i love you too. - well, things got a little rough out here on the ice, but c-czar-- - ow! it hit me!
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it hit me this time! - ow! we can never be happy! - honestly. - c-czar and liz managed to get in their love zamboni and smooth it all out. they've made another love connection here on ice dating. - ha-ha. news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause]
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>> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. got a good one tonight. we got our guest tonight r.j. cutler made a documentary about dick cheney and -- [laughter] [laughter] -- did you guys just get really cold? [laughter] first let's talk about the top story tonight, the fragile economy. economic growth is stagnated. unmyment is stub bornly high and by midnight tomorrow the spending cuts, sequester, congress and the president subjected themselves to to force them to make a deal before the sequester took effect because the effects would be so drastic and dire that it's taking effect. listen, this is bad news my brothers. you can imagine what the mood on wall street is. >> hope and optimism here on wall street. >> merger mania is back. >> the highest bubble since 2005. >> merger mania is back with a
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vengeance. >> jon: ah-ha! whoo! what else would it be back with? humility? no (bleep) vengeance. the merger mania. who are the lucky couples. details. >> offense depot and office max are merge. >> and higher busch and groupo modelo. >> warren buffett is buying heinz. >> jon: jiffy pop and jiffy lube. the two office companies makes sense, not so clear on why buffett and heinz are getting together. i guess it's a strategic value add the acquisition for buffett tour a terrible misunderstanding between him and his secretary. he said get me some ketchup. so i got you a ketchup company. [ laughter ] the point is the financial
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journalists inbridled enthusiasm for this merger boom is entirely rational because there is no and never be a downside. >> you had the leverage buyout boom of 2007. he had the dot com mania and going back to the 80s the junk bond bonanza. all of these are merger boom as long with them and they all ended badly. >> jon: destroy thes but distill. destroy thes but kill buzz kill who came from the set of madmen. destroy him. he is using the past to predict the future. he's a wizard. drown him! [laughter] so why would the rest of -- with the rest of economy stagnating has there been a surge in mergers and acquisitions. it doesn't -- >> i can answer that question,
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jon. >> jon: john hodgman. [cheers and applause] >> the answer, ladies and gentlemen, for lack of a better word is greeb, greeb is good. greeb is right. greeb works. >> jon: sorry, i know you are doing a speech from wall street but it soand sounds like you are saying greeb with a b. >> yes, obviously. greeb, my friends cuts through all the. >> jon: john, sit down for a second. the gourdo gecko speech in the movie is famous and it's greed with a d not with a b. it's not greeb. >> check your shoulder pads, human league, the 80s are over. greed is done it the did the its job. the wealthy are wealthier than every before. our corporations corporations an unprecedented hoards of cash. we need a word for when you want
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everything but still want more. >> jon: i'm pretty sure it's still greed. >> not according to the merriam-hodgeman dictonary. >> jon: i thought it was merriam-webster. >> i merged wit. i cost me an ingroceneous amount of money. >> jon: that's not a word. >> it wasn't, it is now. >> jon: those mergers were not good for the economy and not for consumers. >> who? >> jon: the consumers, the people, the people who are always right. the people that you are trying to serve. >> no, i don't see that in here. i see termination, child labor. there's ingroceneous, obviously but not in this one.
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>> jon: if these merger aren't great for the economy why are the financial reporters so excited about all these merger? >> they are exciting, jon. they are like fun corporate weddings. >> jon: that has terrible financial consequences for our -- >> in the wedding metaphor, you are the drunk dateless guy in the wedding muttering about half of all marriages end in divorce or in this case financial catastrophe. we're having gay time here so why don't you shut up and did the electric slide. [laughter] >> jon: no, i understand. not sure. [ applause ] -- i'm not sure when the last time was you were at a wedding but a lot of these mergers are even bad for the companies involved. >> that's true. >> jon: why would they put themselves in a position whereby acquiring these companies they are going to so being inch
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almost too big. >> jon: right. >> this they too big to fail, that's right, tbtf, jon. it's the rich man's yolo. [ laughter ] >> jon: sour saying to me, john hodgman sitting here with slicked back here is saying to me -- [laughter] actually the point for the corporations is to get so big that their failure creates a risk that the government can't tolerate. >> that's exactly right. it has worked in the past. gm,aig, pioneers in the field of strategic over largeness. >> jon: this is what they discussed. >> moral hazard is a lazy moocher normal doesn't get a job because they know they get welfare or goes on a reckless
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leukemia spree because hey, obamacare has it covered. this is too big too fail. when responsible corporations receive critical capitalization from public funds to offset losses from funds far beyond our control such as our own terrible decision-making. >> jon: i wish the word (bleep) was still in here. it's not going to work this time hodgman, we're on to you. >> are you? >> jon: yes! no more bailouts for corporate irresponsibility, never going to happen. >> i heard warren buffett's ketchup conglomerate is going down. if i goes down americans will have hunts ketchup. >> jon: no don't make us do. that i think i threw up in my mouth a little bit. >> exactly. that's why i have to merge with the condiment. that's the new standard oil. all i have is merriam-hodgman, john hancock insurance and chips
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ahoy. >> jon: you merged with those? >> didn't see you the press release announcing our new name? >> jon: no, i have not. merry cocks ahoy. >> merry cocks ahoy. >> jon: indeed. >> not indeed just merry cocks ahoy. >> jon: have you market tested that name? >> why would i? i want to make sure it sells well so i cep my profits and run a responsible company so i don't have to run to the government for a bailout. you are the dictionary definition of --[cheers and app]
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>> jon: welcome back. over the years, italy has had its share of problems. centuries of occupation by foreign powers, a variety of failed governments spanning from merely corrupt to fascist and worst of all actors who don't know how floors work. no, that's what the spaces are for. now italy is faced with the spiciest problem. >> the country in political chaos after an election without a clear winner. >> it's at risk of becoming ungovernable. >> probably a big as mess as i could be. >> jon: who hold an election and can't figure out who the winner is? that would be us s 13 years ago but in today's modern world with the iphone 4. what happened?
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>> they won by the slim majority but they don't have enough seats in the italian senate to form a government. >> what threw a wrench into all of this was a big vote for a protest party led by a italian comedian. to make things complicated former prime minister berlusconi is not out of picture. >> berlusconi got 29%. >> jon: are you kidding me? i get the voting for the center left. i even get the comedy protest. how the (bleep) is beryl berlus, chairman bunga bunga, how is he not disqualified from this entire thing? his corruption conviction? he called the sitting prime minister of germany an un(bleep) lard ass. yeah that's what this un(bleep) lard ass actually
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said. luckily -- [cheers and applause] luckily no matter how messy italy's politics get italians find stability in their faith. >> tens of thousands of the faithful filling st. peter's square to hear the pope who leaves office tomorrow. there's a period where there's no pope and that starts precisely at 8:01 tomorrow night. >> jon: it's chaos! (bleep) cap with condoms. it brings us to our reoccurring -- [cheers and applause] our recovering segment we may have trouble separating church and state but at least we still have both. pope benedict made his last appearance this morning. what does the future hold for him? can't set him up as an expope and wal-mart greeter. that's not going to -- in nomine
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patris et fili, gatorade at aisle 8. [ laughter ] does the go to the italian vat ran retirement home. >> at the end of month he has to many of out of apostolic palace. today the vatican revealed his retirement home is just behind st. peter's. >> jon: that's comfortable. you know he's unexpectedly stopping by checking on the new pope. oh, really is that where you are holding communion now snl i used do it over there because that's what god wanted. but all right. it's over there. any other perks that the pope might be losing? >> the red prada shoes that he is so very fond of, well, they go. >> jon: that has to hurt. no greater insult to a man in
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italy than take away his designer shoes. but you have to take them because he could make himself pope again by clicking his heels together three times and repeating "there's no place like rome." wait for it. now the college of cardinals has to elect a new pope. what are some of the issues they consider? >> voting cardinals are known to have covered up for pedophile priests. >> jon: okay. that's an issue. [ laughter ] >> then there's the italian papers full of reports of a dossier prepared for the pope's eyes only sproazedly -- supposedly detailing a sex and blackmail scandal inside the vatican. >> jon: i was thinking of thee logical issues. just out of curiosity who prepares that dossier for the pope. >> he met privately with the elderly italian investigators. the italian press calleds them
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the 007 cardinals. >> jon: ah, the rare papal designation 807 cardinal. maybe italy doesn't have a pope or prime minister now but it does according to the 007 thing have the makings for a great new social security s.ful movie goldmitre, if you will, you only live twice presuming you are our love lord and savior[cheers andt
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tonight is a documentary filmmaker the latest film is showtime's "the world according to dick cheney." >> when you talk about drawing a line you don't consider a prolonged period of creating the sensation of drowning shall you don't consider torture. >> i don't know. tell me what terrorist attacks you would have let go forward because you didn't want to be a mean and nasty fellow. are you going to pray the lives of a number of people to preserve your honor. are you going to do your job to safeguard the united states of america and the lives of its citizens. >> jon: must have been a fun weekend. please welcome r.j. cutlerment. [cheers and applause] wow! wow. let me ask you a question that
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haunting music does that just play when he is around? >> it does, yeah. amazing. saves you a lot of money on a score. >> jon: sure. can i imagine that would be the case. how long did you spend with the former vice president? >> well, i met him over a lunch to discuss the project one afternoon and then for the interviews i was with him four days, five hours a day, 20 hours. on the fifth day he invited us to go fly fishing. >> jon: is that -- assuming when they kill you and three your body in the river. it sounds like godfather we've had our interview, come to my boat. [ laughter ] obviously there is an expectation in the audience in general that you will tell it. it's against the code. >> different filmmakers would approach it differently. for me the film is built around
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his voice. the idea behind the film is that this man is one of the most impactful and voice this country has known. there's detactors and supporters whose voices are also heard. the idea, and how i got him to participate is saying i want to build this around your voice. my yelling at him was not going to get us where we wanted to get. you don't get the clip that you just heard that you pits honor against duty and dismisses honor as a value. >> jon: he seems to throughout the film says the choice seems to be, i had a choice, i could either be loved or do what is right. there was a middle ground where you could not necessarily be loved but not (bleep) so bad. he doesn't seem to consider
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that. >> he is not a man in retreat. and he is a politician of total conviction. one of the themes the film explores is what -- we're attracted to politicians of conviction, it makes the democracy run. we need people who believe in things but there's a limit and where does it cross the line to when it becomes something else. >> jon: i'm interested in his certainty. there's a point in the movie where you say to him, he's going through the dating phase really what is your favorite color? what is your favorite food? what is your worst quality and he's stumped. he's hitting the answers like spaghetti, blue, i see a turtle, you know like -- [laughter] he's hitting it all. but whit gets to name a bad quality he's like -- >> yeah. and interestingly when he saw
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the film that was the moment -- he was happy that i had chosen to include that. something he responded to. >> jon: that you couldn't say anything bad about him. >> the examination of his flaws is not something essen gauged in. >> jon: what is stung is the certainty of his decision-making. he has no sense that examination of past mistakes must inform future decisions. he just pretends as though -- i could either look back and correct some of the things i've done or be loved. i chose -- he keeps setting up these weird straw men. >> it's startling in its simplicity and clarity. but i think it's more complicated than he lets on. he said if you want to be loved be a movie star. i didn't do it to be loved but then here necessary a movie.
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we made a movie and he participated. >> jon: do you think he does want affection? does he want to be recognized? does he want to be rewarded on a mainstream level? do you think that is there? >> it's hard to know. i think he's obviously interested in his legacy. he is redefining what a vice president does after his administration -- >> jon: he had this whole thing that he exists in the vapors of our government. it was crazy. >> it was a whole new way of seeing the role both in office and afterwards. he has written a book, he is writing another book. how history sees him. >> jon: was there any moment of insecurity that you saw? does these pants make me look fat? anything like that? >> moments talking about his youth and wen

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The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Comedy Central February 27, 2013 11:00pm-11:30pm PST

R.J. Cutler News/Business. R.J. Cutler. (2013) Filmmaker R.J. Cutler. New. (CC)

TOPIC FREQUENCY Blap 4, Liz 4, Us 3, Jon Stewart 2, Jon 2, Berlusconi 2, Warren Buffett 2, John Hodgman 2, Dylan 2, Aig 1, Tbtf 1, Gm 1, Benedict 1, R.j. Cutler 1, John 1, Obamacare 1, John Hancock 1, Dick Cheney 1, Groupo Modelo 1, R.j. Cutlerment 1
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